the rantings and ravings of a not quite sane cow

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Why I Hate People: Steam Top Sellers, Week Up To 1/11/09

Yes, it's late. Sue me. Turned out alright though, because for some reason Valve released a second set of top sellers two days after the last one, so I'm using that one (duplicates, missing items and all).

Also worth noting: all of this week's comments will be supplied in limerick form.

#1 ( = ) Borderlands
There once was a border in the lands,
Where warriors would make their stands,
They were shot in the head,
And then they were dead,
I'm the best sniper in all the lands!

#2 ( \/ ) Left 4 Dead 2
There was a zombie apocalypse,
Some of them had quite massive hips.
Those boomers just ate,
Ellis off a plate,
All in one of Louis's drug trips.

#3 ( ! ) Torchlight
There's a light from this torch so bright,
It lights all corners of the night,
What is this game about?
That I need to find out,
Before judging it at first sight.

#4 ( \/ ) Dragon Age: Origins Digital Deluxe Edition
Dragons must be so full of hate,
Surely their age must be very great!
I sit to theorise,
Will people realise?
This game is the same as Baldur's Gate!

#5 ( ! ) Football Manager 2010
The sport's alright, I shouldn't knock her,
So much fun, the riots that occur.
Balls have so much heft.
There's only one fact left,
Football is actually called soccer.

#6 ( /\ ) Killing Floor
The floor has so very much killing,
No wonder it receives top billing.
When it comes to death,
This game is hardly bereft.
So much that the blood just keeps spilling.

#8 ( ! ) Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
This game has many different guns,
Weigh them all, and it must be tons.
Pull a gun, take a stance,
See them all crap their pants,
And suddenly they all have the runs.

#9 ( ! ) The Witcher: Enhanced Edition Director's Cut
Surely with a game title so long,
The game it describes must be strong.
I was so deceived,
I had really believed.
Why must cows always be so wrong?

#10 ( ! ) Team Fortress 2
The scout double jumped towards the point,
The pyro he seeked to disappoint,
The spy was not deferred,
Then a whirring was heard,
From then it was the heavy's point.

#10 ( \/ ) Aion Standard Edition
For a game with the power of flight,
Surely something is lost from the fight.
Players of this must bow,
Before players of WoW.
Lest they all be slaughtered on sight.

#10 ( ! ) S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
Surely one must wonder about how,
Would survive a radioactive cow?
Something about the milk,
Makes it shiny as silk,
And deadly to humans as a plow.

Note to Valve: fix up your RSS feed, damnit!

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