You might be a masochist when...

...your idea of a nice hot bath involves lava.
...you've run out of band-aids, and you own a factory that makes them.
...you spend five minutes talking to Slashee.
...the next time you visit the hospital you'll earn a free amputation.
...N+ is your favourite game ever.
...you can call for an ambulance by picking up the phone and saying "Yeah, it's me."
...you visit the USA for its culture.
...nobody asks you to turn the air conditioning off because their tounges are frozen to the roof of their mouthss.
...you willingly spend time in Stranglethron Vale.
...the wall is covered in something bouncy so anything you throw in frustration comes back and hits you.
...you try to convine other people to play hide and seek on a police target range.
...you insult Chuck Norris' mother just so he'll come and kick you.
...you take "Danger: High Voltage" signs as a challenge.

Slashee Rants: In-Game Advertising

It's a fact of life: advertising is everywhere. And while I'm sure we'd all like to shoot the guy who thought of it in the first place, we're stuck with it until I invent a time machine. The theory behind it is actually pretty good: you get something for free, whoever made it gets some money, everybody wins.

I don't mind ads on TV. I'd rather get ads than have to pay for TV. Of course, with technology these days we can skip ads. Naturally the people paying for the ads, and the ones making money from them are outraged. I'd like to point out though, that while I can only speak for myself, I can't remember any times that I've bought something just because I saw it an ad on TV. If I'm not going to buy anything from an ad... does it really matter if I skip them?

Still not touching the original subject, I'd like to discuss the internet now. Ads have been around since the start of the internet. These days, they're not hard to block entirely. That's what I do (I love you, Adblock Plus!). I might not block ads if they weren't so obnoxious. But when you've got a flashing thing over here, a flashing thing over there, pop ups, pop unders, and if you're really lucky, a healthy dose of spyware... that's just taking things too far. Google text ads are pretty good... they're unobtrusive and relevant, unlike most ads (you wouldn't believe how many websites I'm the millionth visitor to). If they were the only ads around, I'd gladly leave them on.

While that is all well and good, the original subject was games. If you take away one sentence from this, then let it be the following: Ads in something that's free are alright, but if I pay $100 (or more) for something, it shouldn't have ads. Ads are used to provide revenue when you're providing a free service. Free games, I don't mind ads in. But if I've paid plenty of money for a game (and they cost enough these days), I think I have the right to be a little pissed at some game company executive (probably Bobby Kotick) lining his pockets with ad money, when there's already plenty coming in from sales of the game. And most of the time, they look damn out of place.

• Screaming through Paradise City, there are plenty of billboards for the game (those you can destroy), and plenty of billboard ads (which you can't)... at least let me take them out for a bit of revenge.
• Swinging through a destroyed city in Bionic Commando, there are billboards. How the hell did the bomb manage to destroy everything EXCEPT the ads?
• Rocking out on stage in Guitar Hero, there are ads. While plenty of real stadiums and wherever the hell else you play music have ads, they look completely out of place in the stylised world of GH.

On the other hand, the ads in Midnight Club: LA don't look so out of place... to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure whether they're in there for authenticity or because they're getting paid for it... that's how suitable they are.

Also worth noting: I'm sure we all don't remember when an update for SWAT 4 not only added ads, but tracked how long you looked at them and sent that data back to the mothership. While that's far from the biggest invasion of privacy I've ever seen, it's still not something you want to be a victim of.

In summary: either get rid of the ads in games or give me the games for free.

6000 Gamerpoints!

Yes, another pointless day to be marked in your calendar and celebrated for nanoseconds to come.

Still, this deserves another competition (and yes, there might be a prize*) so here's the question: if a mini-Slashee weighing 100 grams is sitting on a completely flat beach, with no buildings or geographical formations within the nearest kilometer in all directions, and there is an off-shore breeze blowing at 25 kilometers per hour, how far into the ocean will the mini-Slashee be after 20 minutes, and how would you get it dry?

*How much prize would a prize-chuck chuck if a prize-chuck could chuck prize?

Slashee Sells Out

Yes, just in case you didn't have enough Slashee in your life, you can now get some merchandise featuring your favourite cow at http://www.cafepress.com/slashee (Australian bovines go to http://www.cafepress.com.au/slashee). If you want me to add more, motivate me by buying the stuff that's already there (or at least tell me what you want in the comments).

4000 Gamerpoints!

Yes, if you'll look to the right my Xbox Live profile has reached 4000 gamerpoints.
Since I like celebrating pointless occasions, the first person to leave a comment on this post telling me how many more electrons than protons an atom needs to have to be positive will win a fabulous prize*!

*Actual fabulousness of prize my vary. Prize may not be enchanged for money, any form of currency, anything that costs money or a pat on the back. Prize may or may not be imaginary purely at Slashee's discretion. Have a nice day... unless you're the prize winner.

Hey Mr. Cow, what's with the ads? I thought you got this hosting for free!

I do! But I'm a student, and traditionally students are poor. If you don't like them, ignore them. If you REALLY don't like them, install Firefox and Adblock Plus... that'll get rid of them (and pretty much every other ad on the net).