Why I Hate People: Steam Top Sellers, Week Up To 4/10/09

People do things they shouldn't. People do things which don't make sense. That's why I hate them. That's usually not enough explanation for people, so I thought I'd explain through the most illogical means possible - why people shouldn't have bought whatever the top sellers are on Steam.

#1 - Left 4 Dead 2
I don't get preordering games through Steam - do it in a store, and you're guaranteed to get a copy when it comes out. Come on people, it's digital distribution. They don't run out. So all you're doing is letting them sit on your money. Admittedly I'd be letting them sit on my money if I could, but I never said I don't hate myself.

#2 - Left 4 Dead
The problem with people buying this is that they should already have it. That and the whole the-sequel's-coming-out-in-a-few-weeks-why-buy-the-original deal.

#3 - Aion Collector's Edition
Collector's editions used to be called limited editions. You know why. BECAUSE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LIMITED. You're supposed to fight to get one, preferably with firearms. But when you're selling as many copies as people will buy, what's the point?
Oh, and for everything else I find wrong with this game, look at #5.

#4 - Risen
I've never heard of it. The only thing of any value that I've never heard of is my loyal cannon fodder readers. No, seriously, I've heard of every other game in this list. The fact that I haven't heard of this one has to mean something. What exactly I'm not sure.

#5 - Aion Standard Edition
It's an MMO. Which isn't WoW. I'm not saying that WoW is perfect (okay, I am), but considering the number of players it has, Blizzard must be doing something right.

#6 - Batman: Arkham Asylum
If the point of this column wasn't to criticise, I wouldn't say anything here. Since criticism is the name of the game however, what sort of people buy a game like this through Steam instead of going to a store? Comic book fans still living with their parents, going outside so little that mere seconds of sun exposure will cause skin cancer?

#7 - Counter-Strike: Source
I've already had enough 12 year olds swearing at me in voice chat in CS:S. WE DON'T NEED MORE OF YOUR KIND, THANK YOU AND PISS OFF.

#8 - Borderlands
See #1.

#9 - Resident Evil 5
Everybody that matters (me) knows the best RE game in recent memory was Resident Wiivil 4.

#10 - F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origin
C.R.A.P.P.Y.: Constantly Racketeering Acronyms Puposefully and Potentially Yelling. That and anyone who wants to be really scared need only look at a picture of Susan Boyle's face.